BlockFi have spoiled my Saturday

It was a nice Saturday. Time with the kids, quick visit to CostCo and a slice pizza for my efforts. Then…

Ping. New email (all quotes direct from that email)

BlockFi Plan Confirmation

Up until now, I would have trusted my dog to come up with a better plan than BlockFi. Nevertheless, it started promisingly. Not only did they have a plan, this plan had

the backing of both BlockFi management and the Unsecured Creditors’ Committee (with) overwhelming support… across all voting classes.

So far so good. Then we get to the next paragraph.

We are proud to say that, compared to other retail crypto bankruptcy cases, we have reached Plan confirmation on a faster and more efficient timeline.

Just read that again (I had to before I believed it!). They are PROUD to be the most efficiently bankrupt collapsed retailer.

So what’s the plan? Well believe it or not step 1 is

Attempt to recover assets the company believes are owed to us by the FTX, 3AC, and other estates,

Can anyone else see a problem right from the get go?

So once they’ve “recovered assets from FTX”what happens? Well apparently

success in this litigation could increase client recoveries, depending on the product and jurisdiction.

So this thing they definitely won’t be able to do will only see money returned to customers if they fulfill certain conditions.

But how will I know if that’s me? Well that’s easy. They will let me know

via official email channels, on social media @BlockFi, or via our claims agent, Kroll

That would be the same Kroll that describe themselves as security experts but who leaked my email to hackers when they got sim swapped last month. Which is less than comforting.

And when will this happen? Nobody knows, but

Once an effective date is set and passed, the company will emerge from bankruptcy and can officially begin enacting the actions detailed in the plan.

I should have stayed in CostCo and had the rest of that pizza.